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Childhood

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Jayne Dullahan

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I am wary of nostalgia. I am I am I am.

Nonetheless. Sometimes you have these moments, and something from the now sutures itself in a flash to a then. And again like the Werdegang time both stops and stretches out and moves, it seems you are endlessly a child before yourself while the scene that is not you unfolds before you in slow motion and it seems like all nights last forever.

The floodlights from the house sent a layer of light out across the back yard. It was like light particles danced around you, were part of the night air, but didn't really light anything up except the house. I had on a white and orange stripey shirt, horizontal stripes. That was when my hair was blond and curly, and the night seemed to last forever. I and my two friends were playing, while their parents were in my house with my parents. They were probably talking about music, because that is what they did.

Syrinx how my mother used to play Syrinx and I would cry and she would say, laughing, why are you crying? and I said it's just so sad!! Why didn't anyone else see that?

We ran around in the yard, I don't know what we were playing, probably we didn't really have a plan we were just running around in the night and we had a little pool in the yard so it must have been early autumn and we were having so much fun running around that I ran right into the pool. Into it. That shirt was uncomfortable when wet. And it was glorious and the night lasted forever.

That's what suddenly appeared in my head the other night watching a little league baseball game. There was a boy, probably 11, he had played his game earlier in the day so he was wearing his uniform and a windbreaker, but had an air of "it's over and now I can eat nachos" about him. His brother was playing now, and he quietly ate nachos and when his brother came up to bat he would yell "Go Bones!" A nickname for his brother. What a nice kid he seemed to me. And the wind blew across the back of his neck and his hair fit perfectly under his baseball cap, and then he went and played catch with some very small kids under the haze of floodlights that didn't really light up anything but the baseball diamond. And the night seemed to last forever and I thought someday that kid will remember how this night lasted forever, in the cold, in the wind, under the haze of the floodlights.

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