This weekend has been a bad one but that's no different to all the rest (apart from Oxford of course).
I'm trying to figure out what it will take for me to make me happy. Is it actually going to be possible for me to be happy on my own? I mean ... sure I could fill my time with 'stuff' ... I've already tried filling my house with 'stuff' but it doesn't mean sh** with no one to share it with.
So OK - I should try to fill my time with 'stuff' that seems to be every ones advice on the subject .... "get out the house" " join a club" " start a hobby" .....ect..ect
This all sounds like perfectly good advice to me. But something is stopping me and until I can figure out what that something is I'm kinda f***ed <_<
Some days, getting out of the house might as well be a trip to the moon, it's just not happening. I can just about make it to the corner shop (3 minute walk if that) but today so far I've not managed even that.
I'm not sure what it is out there that scares me, I try not to think about it mostly - but today ................ well today I have to think about it, becos today I totally realized this really, really can't go on. This ain't living. And one way or another it has to stop.
I feel a whole lot lighter with this thought.