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I See Myself

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Realized I've started talking to myself,

and It's never complimentary.

Avoiding mirrors again.

Can't stand the looks

Sometimes accusing

Sometimes pleading

mostly empty

Never forgiving.

"There's less to me than meets the eye" I read that somewhere and thought that's me - I'm disappearing at a rate of noughts. I'm like that tree falling in the forest when no ones there, I'm nothing at all. Unmoving and unmoved, I sit empty for days hoping somebody might call by before I vanish.

It's harder and harder to do anything at all. I see it all tumbling in around me, I see the slow decay of everything around me and all I can do is watch it happen. It's not that I can't change some of it - it's just, I can't see that changing any of it will change me. I do something and it's done but nothing feels any different, there's no one to share it with, there's no one to do it for and I don't think I care enough about me to try to make things better.

I know it's wrong - but I just can't function on my own. It's always had to be for someone else. I don't see the point in me for me alone. I don't make me happy.... and I guess I'm not very good at making other people happy or I wouldn't be on my own now.

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Hi DN :)

I suppose we all need to have someone there..to care for and look out for, it helps define who we are and makes us feel good..plus it's great to get it back, i've not been on my own for a long time, though I had periods in the past when I was ..i could never really enjoy it, always felt i should be with someone somehow.

Maybe if you took up something that would take you away from how you feel at times, i know you said you were interested in acting once on here, maybe you could find an amateur dramatics group or an evening class..it maybe could be a way to express something in side yourself & an escape or release. Sorry i'm not trying to tell you what to do chick..maybe you think this is a duff idea?


Mich xx

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Heya chick,

The idea isn't duff at all - it's me who's the duffer ! ^_^ it sounds like fun but there's no way on this earth I'd ever have the confidence to do it! Thanks for the post sweety. I felt not too bad today, actually got things done round the house.... still no cooking though! ;) ... I should join the gym really, that'd be a good thing too. Yup it's been a good day today really.

DN xx

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Sweetie you are such a lovely person with so much inside but rather than thinking of offering it to anyone give it to yourself first. You need to give yourself more credit for the person that you are and be happy to be you, this will come sweetie it just takes a while when you've been used to being one half of something for SO long.

Wish I could make it better for you right now, oh and sorry I haven't responded earlier but I've always sort of ignored the blogs before.


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late for this I know...I know I don't come on often (summer busy with good and not so good) but.... :hug: ...really. I hope the Gathering (new and deeper connections) and time passing has helped...


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