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Jayne Dullahan


Parallel events: a scream rushes from my brain towards my lips, in my dream I plummet toward a ground I can't see. Just as I hit the ground full force, the scream bursts from my mouth, and again I sit bolt upright, breathless. For one moment I am blissfully unaware, and perplexed as to where I am. In hindsight that moment, the whole succession of events moves slower than a snail, though it was certainly no more than two blinks of an eye. The moment ends too quickly and it all floods over the emptiness again...my future, it was about my future. And with horrifying clarity it all comes back, in flashes of light. Bitter tears. My heart breaking and it hurts but it's so beautiful. Everything is alright. That smile...and then those words..."What about my future...?" "I don't think it's here."

O God.

"I don't think it's here."

What am I to do? How am I to be happy, and love the joy, haunted by those terrible words, at night so clearly spoken, in the day hovering like an undercurrent...what am I to do?

I pretend I'm not here...

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