So I'm single again but really it's fine, you now when things haven't been right for a while but you don't say anything scared of change well that's been the last six months for me. Not sure when it all changed or what caused it but a really sceptical side of me thinks that maybe we don't have (or at least I'm not capable of) a lasting passion and that ultimately all relationships turn to friendship, still at least they've never turned bitter.
I'm really happy with the decision this time and to be honest if my Dad didn't have his accident we probably would have broken up sooner. Some thing's in life give you a different perspective though and the weekend I got back to Brighton me and Chris agreed it was time to end the relationship and work on the friendship. We are still going to live together, we still want to do what's best for the animals, it's cheaper and we do have a laugh and enjoy the same sort of things. Things may change if either of us meets someone else as I suppose they might not be too keen on going out with someone who lives in a one bedroom flat with his ex but we can deal with that as and when and to be honest I'm in no rush, I'm actually looking forward to being single for a while.
so YAY single life
OK I really haven't done blogs before or massively get what bloggings about but thought I might use my blog to talk a bit about what's happening in my life at the moment.
I know sometimes when I've previously been through something traumatic or had a big emotional upheaval I do get something out of writing my feelings down and reading it back. I once wrote a letter to Chris when we temporarily split some time ago but I had no intention of sending it to him I just wanted to put in down on paper and get it out there.
Anyway I'm not massively emotional or upset at the moment, it sort of comes and goes and the situation has been SO much bleaker than it is now but I just thought I'd let you know about the family tragedy that brought me home to Bath.
On the 5th of June my Dad was in a very serious accident, he's a builder by trade and at the time he was working with a couple of colleagues when he got hit over the head with the bucket of a digger. This wasn't known to us at the time and the two colleagues that he was working with (who may or may not have had insurance) decided to tell everyone that our Dad had just collapsed while talking to one of them.
The first week was awful, I traveled down immediately and I was never really sure if my Dad was going to last the train trip from Brighton. The hospital couldn't understand why Dad had passed out or had a nasty graze on the top of his head. First they thought a stroke, possibly low blood pressure could have played a part and they then told us they thought he was brain damaged and may not recover. For three days Dad couldn't breath without the ventilator and it was only on day three that they decided they might x-ray the top of his spinal cord(I don't understand the delay myself). This is when they found that Dad had sustained severe damage to the top of his spinal cord. The Doctor called it Central Cord Syndrome and the X-ray showed a disc from his spine compressing the top of the spinal cord. They still couldn't really explain how this may have been caused by just passing out as this injury is caused by an impact to the spine. The Doctor suggested that this was an old injury and that Dad passing out may have note been related to this but in falling down he may have pushed the disc that bit further into the spinal cord.
Dad was then rushed to Frenchay Hospital in Bristol to have the disc removed and the neck supported by a wire frame work. The operation went well but with this sort of injury nobody can tell us how Dad will recover or what movement he'll get back. This sort of spinal compression effects all movement and nobody really wants to tell you what movement may or may not come back. After the operation our Dad was sent back to the royal united hospital in Bath for recovery. When he came round he had a tracheotomy fitted so couldn't talk for a while and it wasn't until week three when the tracheotomy came out that we actually discovered the truth of the accident. The two guys are still denying it and making Dad out to be a liar but they've told two different versions of the accident already and Dad is so clear in what happened. My Dad is the sort of man that doesn't want to get anyone in trouble though so was really reluctant to make anything of it, although we have now got a solicitor involved.
The situation now is so much brighter than it has been, Dad's still at the RUH and has recovered some movement in his arms, hands and legs and is making some awesome progress. He's working with a brilliant physio who works really well in pushing him and has even given us some exercises we can do with him. It actually feels really good that we can take a more active part in Dad's recovery and apart from the gathering I've been up the hospital daily to do this, hence coming from Bath not Brighton. Dad's also on the waiting list to go to Odstock's hospital in Salisbury which is a more specialist hospital so it's just a matter of waiting for a bed to become available.
I can't believe what a determined man my Dad is, I'm so massively proud of him and am going to be gutted to leave him but I'm going back to Brighton on Friday and then back to work on Wednesday.
It's funny but through all this we've still been a family that can laugh and that's been so valuable, it sounds weird to say it but even when we had to spend days on end in ITU we managed to have the occasional giggle. Also the whole family has been fantastic, Dad has two brothers and a sister and I've never been as close to them now since I was a little child. While I've been here I've been to my Aunts graduation and my cousins wedding, neither would have happened had I been in Brighton.
Anyway sorry for going on so, I didn't mean to write this much but once I started I just couldn't stop.